This blog post is about penises.
I am sorry for the inelegant introduction, but penises is what this blog post is about. I have been contemplating this introduction for weeks, and penises are inherently fun, so this should easily have been witty. But penises are also awkward and ridiculous, they can be arrogant or offensive, they may be associated with shame or inferiority, they can be the object of envy or anxiety. So finally, I found no elegant way to sidestep into this subject.
This blog post is about penises. Specifically about pictures of penises. And about sexuality and the interaction of the sexes.
And if my introduction was a disappointment, please find it compensated by the best written introduction to any scientific paper ever. I am hands down in awe of Flora Oswald’s minimalistic and concise abstract on… well, on dick pics:
Given that the sharing of genital images – colloquially known as “dick pics”– has become a widespread phenomenon, the purpose of the present study was to explore men’s motivations for sending unsolicited images of their genitalia.[Oswald et al. 2019]
If that does not leave you gasping for more, then I am very sorry, I cannot help you.
But if research on the interaction of the sexes in the post #MeToo era is just your thing, this paper should be on your curriculum. It is thorough and extremely well written, and it balances gender and genitals delicately. For instance by pointing out that “the act of sending unsolicited pictures of one’s genitals seems to be relatively exclusive to those who have a penis.”
The Canadian study explores motives for sending dick pics. The researchers asked 1,087 heterosexual men whether they had ever sent dick pics and why. Of these, 523 (48%) reported that they had sent pictures of their penis to women. They were then asked about their reasons for sending the pictures and about the desired reaction of the recipient of the picture. Every participant could tick off several answers.
The most common reason, chosen by 53% of the senders, was to have sent dick pics “in the hopes of turning someone on”. In the same category, many reported to have sent dick pics as a normal way of flirting and to let someone know that they had a sexual interest in them.
The second most common reason was transactional: 51% of senders reported having sent dick pics “hoping to receive sexy pictures in return”. Only a minority of senders (less than 10%) reported more vicious reasons, like misogyny or the feeling of power by forcing women to see their penis.
In a second questionnaire, senders were asked about the expected reaction from the receiver. A large majority reported that they hoped the receiver would "feel sexual excitement" (82%), or that she would "feel attractive" (50%) or "valued" (22%). In other words, the dick pic was sent to flatter the receiver by letting her know that the sender was turned on by her. The picture was considered a genuine compliment.
Only a minority of men used the images as a form of harassment, hoping for shock (17%), fear (15%) or disgust (11%).
There are many other interesting conclusions in the study by Oswald; for instance the fact that men seem to overrate their own sexual attractiveness and erroneously assume sexual interest from women where there is none. And by finding that senders of dick pics have more narcissistic tendencies than men who don't send dick pics. The mere fact that the study applies MANOVA statistics to penises and unresolved childhood conflicts should - well - arouse you.
Oswald and her colleagues conclude that "the dick pic lies at the intersection of the zeitgeists surrounding consent, gender, sexuality and technology."
But for now, let us focus on the motivation. It appears that dick pics are sent to flatter someone by showing her the effect she has on the sender.
And I cannot help but feel sympathy for these men. I imagine 22-year old Michael sitting in his dorm room in Toronto hoping to impress a young woman from his psychology class. So he sends her a picture of his erection. Probably captioned "You're so sexy. As demonstrated by my excitement shown here." He means this genuinely. The study tells us that he really feels, this is a fine way to woo her.
Does it work? Will his gesture spark romantic feelings in the girl of his dreams? How does 22-year old Cynthia react on receiving a picture of the erection on Michael from psychology class?
Well, there is another study to tell us just that.
By asking 2,045 women about unsolicited advances from men, researchers from Indiana University found that almost half of all women had received dick pics. The reactions were not very positive. Most women felt grossed out (49%), disrespected (46%), violated (28%) or sad (6%). Some were confused (18%), some were bored (8%), and some were entertained (16%). Only a small minority of women reported to have been flattered (6%) or aroused (7%) by receiving dick pics.
The researchers concluded that the primarily cisgender male activity of sending unsolicited genital images could be a way for men to construct and perform their masculinity, while women’s negative reactions could be linked to hegemonic gender expectations. Or to put it less sciency: Men are expected to be sexually aggressive and show off, while women are expected to be passive.
This is all just bad news for Michael in Toronto. He overperceives his own sexual attractiveness, and he thinks that Cynthia will feel flattered by seeing the effect she has on him. But he is far too explicit, and she feels harassed by his disregard of her privacy.
And that is what really fascinates me about these studies; that men and women have so diverse perceptions on this form of communication. If men genuinely feel that dick pics are a fine way of flirting, and women are totally grossed out by it, we are obviously talking two different languages. Somewhere the message changes meaning from sender to receiver.
If this is true for something as basic as dick pics, it must be applicable to other forms of communication between the genders. In pictures, in words, in body language or by touch.
What a man conveys to a woman, and what he expects her to understand, is very different from how she actually interprets the message. They would both react with disbelief if they knew the intended meaning or the received interpretation.
And because men overperceive their own sexuality, it might be safe to assume that the reverse is also true; women communicating with men will be misunderstood. I don’t have the data to show it, but I would expect that a friendly statement from a woman would easily be misinterpreted as a sexual suggestion by the receiving man.
A compliment turns into an insult. An invitation turns into a rejection. And neither parts get it right.
I find comfort in the fact that in spite of these differences, men and women still manage to have sex and reproduce. So at least some forms of communication work.
And with the feminist movements of the 20th century and the #MeToo movement of 2017, for the first time in millennia, we might finally be developing a common language for gender, sex and sexuality.
In the meantime, Mike, just go buy her some flowers.
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Oswald F, Lopes A, Skoda K, Hesse CL, Pedersen CL: I’ll Show You Mine so You’ll Show Me Yours: Motivations and Personality Variables in Photographic Exhibitionism. The Journal of Sex Research. 2019.
Marcotte AS, Gesselman AN, Fisher HE, Garcia JR: Women’s and Men’s Reactions to Receiving Unsolicited Genital Images from Men. The Journal of Sex Research. 2020.
Nielsen AK: Pikfang. WeekendAvisen. 2019.
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